The golden rule is a central tenet of many religions and ethical systems, but that doesn’t make it easier to follow. Living the golden rule is easier said than done. Even though we might know what it means and should follow it, we often fail to do so.
The golden rule can be phrased as:
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” – Jesus of Nazareth (who also spoke of this law in Matthew 7:12 )
“Do not do to others what you would not have them do to you.” – Confucius.
“One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself.” – The Buddha.
The golden rule comes up in all religions, but it’s also the foundation of many secular philosophies. It’s a general principle that can benefit everyone, even those who aren’t religious.
The golden rule is so idealistic and selfless that it’s hard to imagine living by it. But maybe the secret to following the golden rule isn’t to try to be perfect. Instead, perhaps we can follow this rule as long as we understand how difficult it is and do our best to be good.
If we want to follow the golden rule, there are ways we can make it work for us in real life. Here are 21 practical tips you can try that will help you become a better person and live the golden rule:
1. Speak up against intolerance
You might feel like your opinion doesn’t matter. Or you’re worried that if you speak out against intolerance, people will make fun of your beliefs or label you as intolerant yourself. But if everyone is thinking this way, nothing will ever change.
The most effective way to make the world a better place is to speak out against intolerance and hate. If you let bigoted people say intolerant things without challenging them, you are implicitly giving your support. On the other hand, if you don’t challenge intolerance, primarily when it’s directed at groups of people who are already struggling, you are contributing to the problem.
2. Don’t just do something; ask first!
It can be hard not to offer help if someone is in need. But if you jump to help without thinking about the situation, you might make it worse.
If someone needs help carrying his groceries, don’t just grab half the bags and start walking with him. Ask him if he needs any help before grabbing anything or volunteering yourself. If someone has a heart attack right before you, call 911 instead of immediately giving her CPR. If you don’t know what to do at that moment, waiting for someone else is acceptable.
3. Don’t take it so personally
You have the right to feel offended by something, but it’s important not to let your feelings rule your life. No one is attacking you personally. People can have different opinions about politics, religion, and other sensitive topics without being villains.
4. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
Many people worry that if they treat others well, the universe will repay them tenfold. But there’s no guarantee that karma exists or that “what goes around comes around.” So if someone mistreats you, remember that this doesn’t mean something terrible will happen to them.
It also means don’t assume that if someone does something nice for you, they must be interested in a relationship with you. Sometimes people do kind things because it’s the right thing to do.
5. Keep your motives in check
If you’re doing something selfless, it’s essential to make sure your good intentions are pure. Otherwise, you might end up hurting someone or causing more harm than good. The best way to keep your motives in check is to ask yourself, “would I want someone else doing the same thing for me?” before trying anything too ambitious. If you wouldn’t, you might want to reconsider your plan.
6. Keep your expectations low
The truth is that no one will be perfect, and people make mistakes all the time. So try not to get too upset if someone doesn’t live up to your expectations or even mistreats you. You shouldn’t expect other people to always act according to your standards or ideals.
7. Don’t tell yourself you’re the exception
Everyone makes mistakes, but many of us struggle with feelings of guilt because we think we’re supposed to be perfect. But this is impossible, and it can make you feel bad about yourself for no good reason. So try not to beat yourself up or feel bad about yourself.
8. Stop toying with other people’s emotions
If you toy with someone’s feelings for fun, it might seem like a harmless joke. But the truth is that flirting for sport can hurt both people if they’re not careful. There are better ways to have fun and be light-hearted.
9. Don’t judge other people’s mistakes
If someone makes a mistake, that doesn’t mean they’re stupid or incompetent. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and it doesn’t reflect on who they are as a person. It just means that something went wrong in their life at the moment. So if you find yourself criticizing someone for making a mistake, try to think about what you might have done in their situation.
10. Don’t give yourself a personal exemption from the Golden Rule
Just because you can get away with something doesn’t mean you should do it, and just because no one has called you out on doing something wrong doesn’t mean it’s okay. If someone did that thing to you, it’s not okay for you to do that thing to someone else.
11. Don’t try too hard
Many of us are afraid of looking selfish if we treat people well or show kindness because we think people will only reciprocate our good behaviour if they want something from us. But there are better ways to avoid looking like a pushover than to be rude or cruel.
12. Don’t make it your responsibility to fix other people’s problems
If someone is upset and you want to help them, try not to make yourself responsible for solving all their issues. Unfortunately, many of us find ourselves in a counsellor’s role when we don’t know what we’re doing. That’s okay, but it’s better to call in the professionals if you think the person might need outside help.
13. Don’t let someone else’s bad behaviour ruin your day
If someone is rude or unkind to you on one occasion, it doesn’t mean that all their words and actions are hostile or that they’re just a horrible person. Usually, someone who misbehaves toward you has some problems of their own. So try to imagine what might be going on in their life or what they might have been through.
14. Don’t keep score
It’s all too easy to start keeping track of how often people do nice things for you and share things with you. But it’s better to focus on yourself and what you can do for other people instead of trying to tally up your favours. If someone does something nice, say thanks or return the favour if you want to.
15. Don’t expect everyone else to put in as much effort as you
If you’re an incredibly giving person, it’s easy to find yourself thinking that other people should put in as much effort to keep the relationship going. But sometimes, you might need to meet someone halfway by making an extra effort yourself.
16. Don’t make relationships too complicated
Relationships are complicated enough already without trying to take them into the stratosphere or get too convoluted or theoretical about what they mean or who owes whom. In the end, relationships are just a chance to have fun and enjoy yourself with someone else.
17. Don’t hold grudges
Holding a grudge against someone doesn’t benefit anyone, and it can make you miserable if you let it fester inside your mind. If you feel yourself thinking about the person you’re mad at, try to focus on all the things you have in common instead.
18. Don’t expect everyone else to treat you the way you treat them
We all have different upbringings and experiences that shape our behaviour and values. So if someone doesn’t live up to your expectations, maybe you should reevaluate what you value and how much it matters to you.
19. Don’t be afraid to take chances
Treating people the right way isn’t always easy, but doing it anyway is always more rewarding than being unkind or rude. Even if someone doesn’t appreciate your kindness, that means they weren’t the kind of person you wanted to be nice to anyway.
20. Don’t treat people the way you don’t want to be treated
If you can avoid it, don’t act like someone who annoys or bothers you because mistreating them won’t help either one of you at all. Be patient and tolerate their flaws if it’s worth it to you, but if it’s too difficult to be around them, keep your distance.
21. Don’t forget the Golden Rule
In the end, treating other people as you want to be treated is what life is all about. You’ll always enjoy yourself more and make many more friends if you treat everyone with kindness and consideration.